Let me take a moment to gripe. Well, maybe gripe is too strong a word. Let me take a moment to niggle.

Thus far, I think I can commend myself for having kept an open mind about Yoga. I went, I saw, I surprisingly enjoyed it. But that doesn’t mean I appreciated every aspect of yoga.

This is more of a personal issue. You see, I’m not what most people would call a spiritual person. I would call myself either strongly agnostic or mildly atheistic. While my metaphysical beliefs aren’t entirely solidified, I’ve never personally experienced anything beyond the physical or mental. And, since I don’t believe in a spirit or soul – by which I mean I have never seen evidence of one – I find it difficult to even characterize something as “spiritual.” So the kind of spiritual connections encouraged by my yoga instructors seems unattainable. Well, not unattainable per se, but incomprehensible.

It’s not that I believe they’re chasing phantoms, I simply think that we have different terms and ideas for the same experiences. What you might term spiritual, I call physical. My thoughts and feelings aren’t anything more mysterious than the net neurochemical action of my nervous system. It’s a complex dynamic, our experience of which is limited to the bottom line. We don’t feel the firing of millions of neurons. We don’t notice the transfer of excitatory and inhibitory chemical signals in our brains. And we aren’t readily aware of the background effects of a multitude of hormones colouring our consciousness every minute of every day. Where, then, does the physical end, and the mental, emotional and spiritual begin?

In every Yoga class I’ve been to, it seems like everyone else is far more in touch with their spiritual side, more confident in this division. In my curiosity – and perhaps boorishness – I overheard some students speaking with the instructors about “spiritual awareness” and the “balancing of energies.” They also spoke of a “third eye” in each of us. Now, these are all words that I know. I’ve heard them all in one context or another and consider myself intimately familiar with their common meanings. Overheard in this context, however, they were starkly foreign – a blank. In my world, I wasn’t aware of any sort of spirit; energy was without mass and therefore couldn’t be balanced. And by my last count, two was still the max in the eye department.

The same thing happens during class. Every now and then, an instructor will say something like “allow your third eye to relax,” or “reach out with your energy.” Honestly, I find that weird – incomprehensible and weird. And they usually say it in the same way they say “…and raising your left leg…” They say it as though it’s something familiar – something everyone knows how to do. And the rest of the class always seems to get it. I, however, am entirely in the dark, and will likely remain so.

It’s not that I don’t respect spirituality. The vast majority of the class seems to be on board with these notions. They’ve got to be on to something, and it is simply a matter of understanding them within my own context. Until then, however, I find much of the spiritual talk to be mildly alienating. Occasionally interesting, but mildly alienating.

My Yoga Diaries:

• Session 3: Intro Vinyasa
• Session 4: Yin
• Session 5: Yin

Tags: spirituality, balance of energy, third eye, spiritual awareness, spilit

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This is the one. This is the class I’ll continue to take. I feel great after that session. It was the first time I’d been to anything other than Intro Vinyasa classes and I loved it. The Yin class is more meditative, slower paced, and more focused than the intros I had attended. It was difficult, yes, but deeply calming.

Guess I’ll start at the beginning. Our instructor was Nico, and I think he’s one of the chiefs at the centre. The studio itself was dimly lit.

The lights were low and there were candles along the front edge of the room. We set out our mats and, sitting comfortably, began with 15 minutes of quiet meditation. Nico talked. Not loud. Not distractingly, and not about anything in particular – that I can remember anyway. It was peaceful.

The session itself was slow paced. Each pose is held for about three minutes, with breaks in between the more strenuous poses. Most, if not all, were seated positions. The idea seemed to be a continual pursuit of perfection in each pose. You begin the pose and settle into it over three minutes. You have the opportunity to deepen each pose as you feel you can. You can modify or tweak them to work different areas, or you can correct posture and positioning to your own comfort. Nico encouraged the class to define but not push our limits. Some of the stretches were strenuous and demanding, but some were wonderfully comfortable in their tension. Then we ended the session, as we end all sessions, on our backs, relaxed and loose.

I guess what spoke loudest to me in this class was how insular it is. You’re focused inward the entire time. The distraction of people and things ebbs away. I’m usually a high-stress, high-anxiety sort of person. It’s not easy to disconnect when your brain won’t stop talking and fretting at you. This session was all about clearing out the mental space you need to not go off your nut. It’s sobering and it’s fortifying. It feels like you’re calmly and slowly practicing Yoga all by yourself in a room full of people.

Weird, I know. You have to try it.

My Yoga Diaries:

• Session 3: Intro Vinyasa
• Session 4: Yin
• Session 5: Yin
  

Tags: yin yoga, meditation, focus, Vinyasa classes, high stress, high anxiety

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Beverly was our instructor again for today’s class. She started the class off by mentioning that some of the advanced students attend the odd intro class to brush up on their form. Right. I guess I don’t feel so bad after all about struggling with the intro classes.

Since every pose is described and explained extensively, we find ourselves having to hold all the poses throughout the duration of instruction.

Beverly talks about which muscles are active, which should feel strain, which can relax, and how to shift or tweak our posture to suit our needs. It’s exactly that sort of instruction that makes me acutely aware of the muscles in my body. The down-side is that it takes time – seemingly lots of it – if you’re trying to hold a Downward Dog.

On a positive note, a lot of the sequences and forms were familiar from last week. I guess I started to settle in. I think I might even say I found today’s session marginally easier. But only marginally. It seems that my muscles are more willing to respond to my conscious control than they were last week. The poses flow easier. I think less about what exactly I’m doing and just keep doing it. The breathing thing is still hard, though. I keep trusting my breath to autopilot and that makes the routine much harder. Then I get back on track and it feels better until, inevitably, I lose it again.

I think it’s appropriate at this time to cover something I’ve been noticing for the last week: everything we’ve done so far has been accompanied by the reminder to “only do as much as you’re comfortable doing.” Everything is adaptable to every different type of person or body type, it seems. My classmates are variously flexible. From the looks of things, they come from a wide range of backgrounds and they’re not all equally physically capable. But they can all participate equally and get just as much out of a session. I mean, sure, some people strain a lot harder – yours truly included and especially – but there’s never any point at which you are unable to participate. There are always options, and they’re usually made helpfully explicit by the instructor.

My remaining fear is that they’re only coddling us in the beginner class. I can’t keep going to Intro lessons forever. I’m planning on trying a Yin class this Wednesday. It’s supposed to be meditative Yoga – or more meditative Yoga, anyway. It’s not one of the beginner classes, so I suppose I’ll get more of a taste of what I’m in for.

My Yoga Diaries:

• Session 2: Intro Vinyasa
• Session 3: Intro Vinyasa
• Session 4: Yin

Tags: intro yoga class, beginner’s class, vinyasa, yin yoga, meditative yoga

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Well, I definitely wasn’t as anxious about this second session. I still found I had to pay close attention to the instructor, and I was still cumbersomely self-conscious. I still suffered from shaking, straining muscles, but I found myself looking forward to the glorious reward at the end of the class: a good lie-down.

After the warm-up and breathing exercises, we went through Sun Salutation I and Sun Salutation II, each of which is a flow of poses and stretches culminating in a wide-armed greeting to the sun. Both move between standing and getting down on to all four’s. The Downward Dog has definitely declared itself my nemesis. I remember it from Monday and I still can’t hold that pose for long at all. I kept having to revert to the Child’s Pose for a break.

What I found remarkable today was the kind of personal awareness that is required for Yoga – and I don’t mean anything mystical by that. I simply mean that Yoga demands that you be aware of where your muscles are and what they’re doing at any given time. It’s not enough to trust your motions to your subconscious brain, allowing it to take over as we do normally. You have to think – really think – about where you’re moving to, where you’re moving from, how you’re extending, which muscles are compressing, which are extending, and which are twisting. And don’t forget to keep breathing slowly, rhythmically. Like I said, an immense amount to keep track of, and all of it internal.

This made me realize that my flexibility is woefully limited. Everyone in the class seemed to be able to grab their elbows above their heads, wrapping their forearms over their crown, all the while keeping the shoulders down and the back open. For me, everything crunches in towards my neck and I still can’t get my arms over my head. I’m sure it’ll come in time, but for now, it’s kind of sad.

At one point, we had to roll onto our backs and grab our feet, keeping the tailbone and shoulders on the ground. Not possible. I felt like an upended turtle, spinning and tipping over on my rounded spine. The embarrassment got to be too much and I opted to sit quietly while everyone else finished the pose.

As promised, the end of the session was great. It was quiet and dark but this time, instead of playing music from a disc, our instructor, all alone, started singing – or chanting really, though it was more melodious than a simple chant. You’d think it would be cheesy or something. Kind of tacky, maybe. But let me tell you, she had pipes! She could sing and she pulled it off. I was impressed, maybe even a little moved.

I’m tired again now. Segovia says he’s hooked already. I’m not hooked, not yet. I do, however, seem to be gradually warming up to the idea of coming here regularly.

We’ll see how it goes, one session at a time.

My Yoga Diaries:

• Session 1: Intro Vinyasa
• Session 2: Intro Vinyasa
• Session 3: Intro Vinyasa

Tags: yoga diary, child’s pose, downward dog, lie-down, sun salutation, muscle extensions, personal awareness

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So today I tried yoga for the first time. It’s been a few hours now but my limbs are still feeling the effects: my legs are wobbly and my arms feel shaky; I’m kind of sore and everything’s heavy. Honestly, I haven’t had that good a workout in a long time. I also haven’t been this exhausted in a long time. However, despite being tired, my muscles feel loose for once and I have to say that feels pretty good.

Now, I’ll admit it: I was really apprehensive at first – I guess I still am a little, to be honest. I was on intensely unfamiliar ground right from the get-go. From the moment I walked in the doors, I was plagued by an acute sense of self-consciousness. I’m prone to these things, you see, and I’ve never had the nerve to exercise in public before. I also felt extremely self conscious about being a guy in a yoga class.

The studio itself was nice, with a calming feel to it. Instead of calming me down, though, for some reason it set me on edge. I had no idea what I was doing. This was a peaceful place and I was incongruously apprehensive. No, make that downright anxious, feeling like I didn’t belong. I stiffly went through the motions of picking out a spot (terrifyingly close to the front). Then I sat. Other people were stretching and warming up; some were on their backs, eyes closed. I didn’t know any stretches and I wasn’t about to sprawl out casually on the floor, so I sat, uncomfortably cross-legged, until the instructor began.

There was a lot to take in, a lot to pay attention to. Our instructor, Beverly – I think her name was – explained as we went along. Almost immediately, two things struck me as remarkable about Yoga. The first was something I started noticing right away. As we sat and focused on our breathing, I realized that there’s a lot of force that can be generated through our breath. It’s a complicated matter of learning how to control it. But it’s just breathing, right? Sounds easy, right? I can tell you it’s not – especially when you’re going through unfamiliar and strenuous motions. The fact is you lose your breath. I don’t mean like after a marathon; I mean it goes away. You stop breathing. I do anyway. But if you can manage to calmly find a rhythm, it works. It even feels good. I couldn’t maintain it for long, but practice, practice, practice, right?

As we progressed into the session, the second thing struck me. It’s not like I wasn’t expecting exercise, but I was surprised – I mean honestly surprised – by the sheer amount of effort that Yoga asked for. It was faster and more fluid than I imagined it, and it required a strength I was afraid I simply didn’t have. By using no more than your muscles – no weights, no oversized rubber balls, no dodgy step apparatuses – it works everything. Hard. I was sweating within minutes.

The theory is a workout that marries one’s breathing to kinesthetic motion, using the force of your breathing to keep the flow from pose to pose. It’s not easy, but by the end of the class I felt I almost understood what I needed to learn.

Then there was the great finale. The class ended in a manner I strongly feel all classes should end: everyone lying quietly and calmly in the dark, listening to soft music. Brilliant. The muscles relax; the brain finally shuts up. There’s suddenly space. That was the hook, I’m sure of it.

All in all, it went better than I feared it would. I’ll not be as apprehensive next time. I’m obviously still self-conscious about being a newbie – that won’t go away anytime soon, but I’m open to the possibility now that I might actually get to like this. I never thought I would, but it’s possible.

My Yoga Diaries:

• Session 1: Intro Vinyasa
• Session 2: Intro Vinyasa
• Session 3: Intro Vinyasa
• Session 4: Yin

Tags: first yoga class, self-consciousness in yoga, anxiety, yoga diary, breathing, motion, relaxation

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