Well, I've had the flu for a few days.  I don't get sick that often, but whenever I do, I try to find ways to slow down in my life.  Usually the mad pace has much more to do with procrastination than actual busy-ness.  I think...  I work in various capacities probably 60 hours a week, and while this is much more than I'd like, it's not the insane hours many doctors and others keep.  Comparisons aside, it feels like too many hours for me, so perhaps that's the point.

So, this particular cold/flu/whatever entailed a bit of DayQuil/NyQuil and the occasional decongestant.  I always take less than I think I need, in some attempt to strengthen my immune system.  Oh, and loads of vitC-heavy cough drops!  As much as I detest the taste of liquid medicine, I fear pills.  One morning in February of 2005, I needed a decongestant (maybe even for a cold?) and so I took one (not a tiny one), but it got stuck in my throat.  I could still manage thin wheezing for breath.  I lived alone at the time, so I tried to calm myself down by playing my piano as the pill dissolved in my throat.  I reasoned that if my stress level was high, I was probably clenching the very muscles I needed to release anyway.  It ended up taking 45 minutes for the pill to dissolve enough for me to drink some water.  Ever since that day, I haven't taken any pills larger than a tiny red decongestant without first crushing them in my pill crusher. 

So now, I have a (probably) irrational fear of taking pills.  What to do about it?  Thus far, I've done nothing.  But as I study yoga more and more, I want to face my fears.  For example, I did a cannonball in a pool in August (I also can't swim - with the exception of floating on my back).   I heard once that fear is False Evidence of Apparent Reality.  That's an interesting way to look at it.  It's all a matter of perspective.

So what, dear reader, are you afraid of?  Or, what fears have you overcome by virtue of this glorious yoga practice?

I just did a short and sweet vinyasa practice over my lunch hour: 30 mins from Yogaglo.com. I love how a short practice over lunch usually means I can forgo coffee in the afternoon! Sure, I can often do that anyway, but often I don't get enough sleep and I rely on coffee to perk me up. Neti neti, I know...

I love hearing how other teachers teach poses and flows; it informs my own practice and teaching, especially when I find that I explain certain movements with the same words too often.

I am much busier than can be sustained. That much I can see all too clearly. I want to spend more time on my own practice and writing classes, but I have to go to my day job to pay the bills. So, my business (massage and yoga) will have to grow at a gradual pace, and I've got to be less insistent for it to "get here already!"

I've spent far too much energy being angry at my day job for existing, when the reality is that I got myself in to a decent amount of debt in my 20s, so I've got to get myself out of it by working hard. I'm so ready to let go of the resistance and frustration!  The more energy I spend on fruitless frustration, the less I have for practice, writing classes, and enjoying life!

So, good riddance to frustration over "unfairness" at work.  Since when was life going to be fair?  (I know darn well when that ideology started for me - high school! - straight A student and first chair in band, hello!).  It certainly isn't for most people on this planet...  It's been such a hangup for me for most of my life that I expect life to be fair.  But finally I want to let that go.  Let go of the attachment to an ideal that results in so much suffering.

I have been practicing with yogaglo.com lately because I haven't made as much time to get to the studio to practice. I really enjoy YogaGlo, even though I believe it is much better to practice with a teacher who can enhance your poses or teach you things you can't learn in a podcast.

I really encourage people to get yoga where they can, and not insist on studio or bust. In our modern lives we have so many things going on that we need to fit yoga in where we can and not chastise ourselves for not attending a studio class every day.

Do what you can. All is coming.

I cancelled class tonight - mucho snow! For this area anyway. My family lives in South Dakota, so they laugh at our 5-6 inches. Ha! It was nice to sit on the couch and watch the snow fall with my cat.

Tonight I practiced the 60 min class I taught on Sunday, with a peak pose of agnistambhasana. Vinyasa Flow is still new for many students at AlleyCat, so I do wonder what they think. AlleyCat is a Kripalu studio, and even though I believe the various styles are more overlapping than mutually-exclusive, I personally had a "wow, this is different" experience whenever I first took a vinyasa flow class.

I practiced the primary series of Ashtanga tonight. I got loads of sleep last night and really felt like I got rested. I'm still pretty new to the primary series, but I do enjoy it. I don't bind in most of the maris, but that's ok. It's so fun to carve out substantial time each day for practice.

I got up and did a few rounds of Dancing Warrior 2 before work. That was all the yoga I could squeeze in today. I really love to flow in my practice.

Well, I did a short sun salute practice this morning. I just didn't have much time! Eeks! I've got to make time!

This evening I taught at 4 PM. We have community classes on Sundays at AlleyCat where we charge $5/class. That usually means the classes are larger! There were 19 people! I felt like there was a good mix of ages and levels. It's really important to me to make it fun for everyone, so I tend to make it somewhat challenging but encourage people to take breaks whenever necessary. I think it's challenging to teach the idea that as long as they are present and breathing that they are participating fully. That is my challenge: to convey that truth!

Today is day two of WoYoPracMo. Getting up this morning at 5:30 was tough. I'd gone to bed late last night, zooming everywhere errand-running until 12:30 AM. My boyfriend worked the late shift at his business, and so he was ready to go home at 7:30 AM, so after picking him up and dropping him off at home to sleep, I zoomed over to the yoga studio to crank up the heat. We keep the studio at 64 degrees Fahrenheit overnight, and so I only had an hour to heat it up to 77 before my 9 AM class. I generally don't do well with cold temperatures; it was -2 this morning, so I was glad to finally arrive at the studio and start to practice my sequence. It was a smaller class and I decided to speed up portions of the dancing warriors and add in chaturangas so that we could build more heat.

My practice tonight was mellow and lunar. I did a few rounds of chandra namaskar and a short improvised hip opening sequence with a long held pigeon. My body is feeling sore today, probably from too little rest and zooming around this weekend. I needed a gentler, nurturing practice tonight.

I taught this morning at 10 AM, seven students, four of them new to my classes. I love having new people! I am still very new at teaching (about four months), so I find that my comfort level at really taking my seat as the teacher is growing. Whenever I can "get out of my own way" I teach a much better class. Getting out of my mental chatter about what I'm teaching and saying allows me to tap into the subtleties that are the real juice of what yoga is for me. And THAT is what I want to teach. Not put your arm here, leg there.

I practiced at AlleyCat this evening at 7 PM (90 min class). This particular teacher had spoken about the possibility of shaving her head for the new year, and yes, she did! I was amazed! I've always had long hair myself so I asked her if her head felt lighter. She replied no, not lighter, just more aerodynamic! I think if I were to consider that, it would be like cutting off a limb. I'm super attached to my hair. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. I do recognize the ego attachment aspect. I think this aspect of attachment comes from an internalized desire to be found attractive, as if not having hair would be unattractive. It's very interesting to consider the social cues we internalize about what is good/attractive/worthy.

By the way, she was rockin the shaved head! It's very empowering to see a woman shave her head.

Well, I just learned about WoYoPracMo, or World Yoga Practice Month. The idea is that you practice yoga every day in January (and beyond, of course). There is a ning site for people seeking fellow yogis: http://woyopracmo.ning.com. I have already signed up and hope to learn lots from my fellow yogis!